Basking
the silent art of romanticising your life
It's morning. You wake, a sunray hits your face. Your pillow is soaked in sweat after a long night of tossing and turning. The heat has refused to let up and your rechargeable fan decided to die out. So you wake up, you pray. A short one that serves the purpose of giving you a few more minutes to doze than connecting you to the divine. You get up and stretch. And afterwards, you groan. Because you suddenly realize that you forgot to put the stew in the fridge last night. You can only hope it’s not spoiled yet as you rush into the kitchen. A taste of it tells you it isn’t yet, but it wouldn’t last another 2 hours. So you turn on the gas to heat it up a bit. As you do so, you think to yourself “Ooouu I’m a pretty good cook. This stew is so good. Next time, I’ll replace the locust beans with bay leaves and see how it turns out”. Your skill acknowledged by the one who principally matters, you head back into your room to stare at a screen. A video call rings in. Why would anyone call you so early in the morning? It’s not really a problem, though, because deep down, you want your friends to be able to call you at any time with the assurance that if you’re available, you would answer the phone. You pick up the call and roll your eyes to say “bro, did you dream of me? Why are you calling me so early?” To which they respond, “do you have children keeping you up at night? Your mates are up and grinding, but you’re still complaining about a call”. You roll your eyes again. You smile. You love them. And you’re conscious that life has some pluses if it gives you a home in their heart.
In that moment, you realise that this is enough. This is romance.
Romanticising your life has had it’s trending seasons since the peak of social media use in 2020. Between 2020-2021, everywhere I turned on the internet, there were scented candles, journals, gentle music and cameras mounted on tripods to show a virtual audience - made up of strangers - that life is beautiful.
As admirable a trend as it’s been, it seems as though we learned to abdicate the responsibility of validating the beauty of our lives to strangers. Hence, you don’t feel as though your life is really romanticised except it is viewed by someone else or paraded in some form on social media. This would not have been problematic if it didn’t go against everything that the concept of “romanticising” tries to achieve.
To romanticise is to make something seem more appealing, attractive or interesting than it really is. In some cases, this can be negative1 and sometimes, it’s positive. In the case of applying this to your real life, the proliferated perspective takes the “delulu is the solulu” format. We are encouraged to delude ourselves into believing that our lives are more vivid, vibrant, lovely than they really are. This perspective is warped.
True romanticisation is the practice of mindfulness and gratitude. It is basking in the ordinary.
Contrary to what social media encourages, romanticisation isn’t about aesthetics but about perspective. To romanticise your life is to slow down to pay attention to the details. It is being here, being present, being now. To bask is to be conscious as you allow yourself to revel in the light and warmth of your existence. To play a fast song and skip along as you walk; to capture a smile in your mouth and to draw it out for as long as you can. To notice what’s right in front of you, to gaze on it and turn it around until you find the wonder it has wrapped itself in. To be on fire and be grateful that you can feel the heat; to be caught in a deluge and be excited by the adventure. To be, now is to bask.
I wrote something in my private notes about the art of basking and I will share it with you.
Buy flowers for my ears and love me tenderly.
I live to recognise my lovely life. The allure of simplicity is much brighter now. I used to crave glam, to be seen, to be known. Now, it is enough to be, to love, to be loved, to laugh, to bask. It is enough to cry, to write, to yearn, to hope. It is enough to want and to be wanted.
Sonder rushes at me. A life of hopes, fears, desires and heartaches. Life is lovely. My life is lovely. It is enough.
Be kind to yourself.
You deserve consideration, investment, help and all the other forms of kindness that you give away. Plate your food nicely, get yourself a wrapped gift, try listening to jazz or raggaeton as you bathe - make the munane magical for no other reason other than that it brings you happiness. You deserve kindness too.
Encourage yourself.
Give yourself a pat on the back sometimes. You sef no small, you dey try.2 Support yourself as much as you can. When you have a new endeavour, show up for yourself. You deserve the best of you. How that has worked out for me practically is that I invest in myself. It’s easier to support the people that I love by hyping them up and getting them gifts that’ll help them out. But I learned that I have to give myself the encouragement I pour out so unabashedly. Because of that, I am intentional about supporting myself in the things that matter to me; getting myself a mic for content, patting myself on the back for every spike in subscribers that I have (please subscribe if you haven’t). I almost threw myself a party when my subscribers grew from 115 to 156 after my last article. Woh, woh, woh, I’m kidding :^).
Like yourself.
It is one thing to love yourself. It is another to like yourself. To like yourself is to accept your strengths and shortcomings. When you are honest with yourself about what you can or can’t change about you, and you accept it, you may say that you love yourself. But when you enjoy the person that you are, you find intrigue in your actions and wiring, you like to spend time with yourself; then, you may say that you like yourself. I am not encouraging you on the path of Narcissus. But liking yourself will do you good; it will help you embody the regard and attention you give to other people and things you like.
There is an inward silence that is necessary to have to romanticise your life. An inner oasis of consciousness of precious moments. It requires you to retreat within yourself and recognise virtue in your ordinary life. I encourage you to cultivate that silent awareness.
Take in the music; inhale the fragrance of life. Life is beautiful, and you are special.
Bask in it.
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You can do whatever it is you want
I want the first few lines you read in this article to be words of permission.
for example, romanticising pain and grief.
Pidgin English that translates to “You're doing your best”.