A person without faith will find true love difficult.
You might wonder why this sentence sounds conclusive. I will speak on it briefly in this article. Please read to the end.
I have found that many times, we introduce logic into love. Especially when we’re thinking seriously about the future; settling down, having children, etc. Counselors will tell you to be practical, logical when it comes to love. They will tell you that you need to be able to answer questions like “Why do you love this person?”. An answer like “I just do” is regarded as unsuitable, insufficient. You’re supposed to know why because it is those reasons you hold on to when the going gets tough. In a world where love is taken to mean butterflies and mushy behaviour, I understand why this has come to be.
But love is far from logical. There is no other answer to “why do you love them?” other than “I choose to”. This is not to say that there aren’t things you love about them - their humour, perspective on life, discipline, visage, kindness, etc. - but these attributes are possessed by many other people you do not feel the desire to hold on to or do life with.
To truly understand love, let us visit its foundation and summit, as some might say. The quintessence of love, according to believers in Jesus Christ, is the love that Father God had for sinners that He gave His only Son. Well, why did He make that sacrifice? Why did He love us in that way? It is not impossible to give reasons. Some may say '“He loves us because He created us” or “He loves us because we are helpless without Him”. These qualities are not untrue; but they aren’t fundamentally the reasons why He does. He loves us because He is Love; it is His nature to love and He chose to love us. Illogical, really. We don’t have much to offer :)
But that’s the beauty of it. It surmises the human state - that we don’t have anything to offer the Lord that He cannot do without but He loves us regardless. What’s even more beautiful is that we believe it. And therein lies faith. When we are asked, “why do you believe in Jesus?” or “why do you believe He loves you?”, we can make analyses. We can explain that He paid a debt He did not owe when He died for us. We can speak about the changes in our lives since we accepted His free gift. We can tell those who question us that our belief is logical, historically backed and supported by philosophical reasoning. We can sit and argue and prove and stand and argue and prove; but the real reason we believe is simply because we just believe. It’s faith. I know that I know that Jesus lives.1
Love and Faith are two sides of the same coin. In its truest form and essence, you love because you just do. This also applies to faith. The error we make is when we mistake our emotions or infatuations as love. There is a definition to love; one that I think that unbelievers in the Bible should agree with.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a
There is a selflessness to love; a crucifixion of one’s self by one’s self. It represents an apex that almost seems unattainable in a world that teaches us to selfishly put ourselves first. This type of love does not die, nor does it fail. And there is a higher self in us that believes we are capable of loving like this. When we fall in love - with life, friends, family, lovers - it is a signal from that higher self encouraging us to live up to our potential as love beings.2
As messy humans, we often fall short of this expectation, and it is to help us do better that logic has been introduced to the love equation. If you remember the choice you made or the vows you took or the things that you appreciate in this person, perhaps they will be enough to root you when you feel the urge to end things. In the beginning, it was not so.
This is why I say it will be difficult for a person without faith to enjoy love.3 By faith, I do not mean religion. I mean a leap of trust that’s beyond reasoning or proof (not for the lack of it). It is not because they are incapable of loving. They lack a point of reference from which they can deduce what love requires of them. It’s a call to put aside logic and proofs, biases and perceived weaknesses. Without faith as a benchmark, it might be difficult to understand the compounded simplicity of loving because you just do.
When we discover our ability to love in its true form and expression, it will not be a problem to say “I just do. I love you for everything you are and everything you are not. I love you for all you attain to be”. Quite like our Father in heaven loves us.
End note:
While love defies logic, it is not irrational. Just like faith and logic work together, love and intentionality also do. There is no love that is not backed by good works. An absence of proving actions signifies an absence of virtue. God gave His Son.
This isn’t to say that coherent reasons for believing are unimportant.
A love between a mother and her child is an ideal example of selfless love.
Difficult, not impossible. Love is a human experience, independent of belief. A familiarity with faith serves to provide a benchmark that’s necessary for the purest love possible, though.
Profound! Thanks for sharing. Do not stop writing.✨
I love this. Great writing 👏👏👏