Hitting the reset

take a break to truly live

Jun 08, 2025

There are 3 pieces of advice I will always give:

If you feel like resigning from your job, give it another 3 months. If you still feel the same way, resign immediately.
If you are weary and feel like crap, take your burden to God.
If you feel stuck in a rut, change your environment.

I’m writing this on my Substack writing break. On a Friday. I haven’t written on a Friday in a while. I typically rush because I’m late and write on Saturdays or Sunday afternoons when they’re due by evening. It began to take the joy of writing away from me. By “it”, I mean my state of mind when I was rushing to write. But I am writing on a Friday; I will take that to mean that I feel better.

I’ve had many ideas about topics I want to write about during this break; some, I have jotted down and others, I have returned with gratitude to the gentle breeze that brought them to me. I didn’t want to be encumbered by the responsibility of interesting ideas. My desire was to live— and live, I have.

We are all shaped by the things we consume, the places we go and the people we spend time with. When I decided to hit the reset button, I was intentional about not wasting it and my focus was on curating these things that shape us. I knew that the first thing I had to do was to define what enriches me, the things that make me feel like I am a being with blood gushing through her veins, passionate and ebullient. This was the easiest part of everything.

It’s not difficult to identify what makes me tick. I talk about them constantly. Friends, making memories, going outside, laughing, experiencing other people— the core of who I am is roped around my relationships with others. My soul feeds on the dynamism of interactions. The lack of an abundance of this was what made me feel spent in April. I knew that May had to be different or I would’ve gone crazy.

What I initially wanted to do was to travel to Enugu or Anambra or Akwa-Ibom and visit Umuahia on my way back. I told a few of my friends and they wondered why. I don’t have friends nor relatives in these places. I guess the only answer I have to give is that I desired a drastic culture shift. I wanted to be around people of other tribes, in the hopes that I would find my wonder at life restored. I had lost it in the routine and familiarity of my day-to-day.

As an artist, I believe you need to periodically be in a state of wonder or dismay in your relationship with your environment, your self or your spirit to create.

And in a sense, we all are artists.

I didn’t get to go to any of these cities. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough money to rent a hotel for a month, and I would’ve preferred to have someone to go around with. I did tell a number of people, and even though that didn’t work, I hold on dearly to the hope that I’ll get to go soon.1

So what did I do?

The only other thing I could do. Settle for Lagos.

I have a love-hate relationship with Lagos. For someone who badmouths the city a lot of times for the traffic, smell and cost of living, I go there a little too many times when I get bored of living alone. My only excuse is that I have many friends and more places to hang out there. I always return financially depleted but inwardly revitalised. This time was no different.

In Lagos, I hung out with my friends, tried out new restaurants and danced to a highlife artist serenading me live. I went to see movies, played loud music and recorded myself dancing with someone I love. I helped plan a surprise for my best friend with her husband, visited a friend who just gave birth and carried her baby for the first time in many years. I made new memories and felt myself being loved back to life.

There were many days of beauty but one that stands out in particular to me was telling my best friend that I craved catfish peppersoup. I could’ve bought myself a plate but she decided to make it at home for me. I could feel my heart expand when she served it to me. I am sentimental, so of course, that was moving.

I once wrote about friendships and said “isn’t it funny that there was a time before you met them that you lived and fared well, but now that you’ve met them, you can’t imagine how empty life would be without them?” Friends are the balm that heal and the waters that refresh. In our love, I see God. I love my friends.

I have returned to my place of primary abode feeling more alive. The last time I took a trip like this was in 2023, and even though they were for only 2 weeks each, I always return feeling invigorated and inspired. Henceforth, I will not let an entire month sap me of my creative juices. I’ll be more intentional about infusing my routine with little bursts of experiences that will add fragrance to life.

I know that not everybody likes to travel. Neither is everyone energised by the same things that energise me. However, I am certain that we all need a reset once in a while. It’s usually easier to take one when you are not yet burnt out. As much as possible, find out what makes you tick and make room for them in your life. Life can easily become a “quick succession of busy nothings”2 if you do not create meaning out of it for yourself.

You have to create a life that you can feel at home in. What vivifies you— a painting session, getting cozy with a book, learning new ideas, trying DIY at home, dancing? Find them out and make room for them. Make new memories, feed your imagination, and rest. Even if you do not consider yourself the artsy type, you need your creativity to contribute to getting better at your area of specialty. Repetition is good for getting efficient but fueling your imagination is good for figuring out what can be better and solving problems. A life that has learned to create points of intersection between both is a good life to live.

Take my advice and do something different this weekend. Break your savings. Pay for a new experience, or organise one for yourself. If you’re fortunate to be able to travel internationally, do it. Or simply spend time with your family. These are some of my ideas. You can replace them with the things you really enjoy.

I will say it again. It is up to you to create a life that you can feel at home in. It’s no other person’s responsibility but yours. What are you going to do about it today?

Don’t be surprised if I write to you from there in one of the coming months. I’m trying to get my bag up so I can go with one of my friends soon.

Jane Austen; Mansfield Park.