We're the adults now

everything is asking you to grow up.

I have attended five weddings this year, I have a sixth in October and a seventh I will be missing.

My friends are getting married. Somebody, pinch me.

When I was 12 years old, one of my aunties had her wedding. I remember being in the room as her friends got dressed, and looking at how beautiful they all were. I remember thinking that these were the elegant, mature ladies that I would one day become. One day.

One day is finally here. ??HOWWWW? HOWWWWWWWW??

epp me

It dawned on me at one of this year’s weddings where I was a part of the bridal train. We are the bride’s friends getting dressed; elegant and mature, demure and cutesy. I’m not certain I know how to feel. I want to pretend that I am internally screaming “but when did I just clock 16??” I am not, though. At least, not right now. The majority of the time when my mind settles on the concept of age, I feel like the same 15 year old, 19 year old, 21 year old; albeit with a bit more experience.

So, the concept that I’m getting older doesn’t make me want to scream, it makes me want to laugh. How old am I that I am this old? Small girl like me?! Raking years when my mates are raking millions? We can go band for band, F that, we can go years for years. *Inserts tears and maniacal laughter*. DAMMMMIIIIITTTTT!

This email is specifically for my girlies who feel caught in the middle; wondering when the crossover into adulthood happened and why the differences are so subtle yet so clear. You know the changes I’m talking about; the one where your married girl friends are on family planning and talking to you about their pregnancy scares. Your male friends are chubby and starting to look exactly like your favorite uncle used to look when you were younger and he used to give you piggyback rides. It’s getting increasingly harder for you to ask people for money, and you’ve gotten really careful when you post things that look like you’re asking or “begging” for people to buy it for you.

Half the men you meet are married, and half of those are going out of the way to let you know about their marital status even though you could never fancy them if your eyes were plucked out and shoved in your demure behind. 18 year-olds feel so young to you, when just a few years ago, they still felt like your agemates. You actually have a career to build. You’re starting to really think about settling down, or at least people are thinking it for you.

My brain stopped processing time properly since the pandemic. It’s crazy to realise that my favorite songs were released in 2016. 8 years ago! How? I would’ve thought it was 3 years max. How did eight years fly by? Yes, they were full of life, but perhaps we should stop counting time.

One of my favorite things to say these days is “I’m too old for this rubbish”. I don’t exactly know how we arrived there, but that is what my mind has decided for me. That, even though I’m 24 (I almost wrote 23), I am now too old for certain rubbishes. Frankly, I love it for me sha. Because, if you know me, you’ll know I’ve always not liked rubbish; so to have age on my side when I say I don’t like rubbish is definitely a plus. But my age mates on TikTok are thriving in these rubbishes, so is it that I’m actually still young and I should relax orrrrr?

Yes, it’s you I’m asking oh. If you opened this article hoping to find answers, I’m happy to inform you that I am searching with you. Behind these words is someone who feels exactly like you do. It feels like I am stuck in time’s vortex, and the best I can do is go with the flow without struggling. Anything else will cause unnecessary pain and suffering.

Back to my previous thought, should we stop paying attention to time? Should we lift our eyes off the clock? What do you think? What exactly is this time of a thing? Is it more than this fickle concept that flies by without a passing thought to the changes that it’s leaving behind?

I can’t end this adulting article without being honest with you, though. I have ranted, and now it is time to be serious.

We need to grow up. I spoke to my friend, Jo, about this age of a thing sometime ago. Immediately he said, “Yes. We are the adults now and it’s about time we woke up to our responsibility”. I love Jo. He confronts my comfortable thoughts and encourages me to dig deeper into my stance on matters.

When I am not busy panicking and I allow my mind to settle on the thought, I don’t really mind growth. It is bittersweet; and that’s exactly how I like concepts like these to taste. There is the nostalgia of memories you wish you could relive, the subtle assurance that experience has given you, the steady rock of the friendships you have kept for years, and so much more. Growing up is more time spent exploring love, sadness, enjoyment, suffering; and the end result is that you should be more self-aware, more in tune with yourself, more in tune with how the world works for you, more alive.

People who have adulted before us have done their own and are passing the baton. Whether you like it or not, you will have to collect it and do your own too. Responsibility is upon your shoulders, my friends. I know you didn’t ask for it, but it is what it is.

A few tips to navigate these “introduction to adulting” waters:

1. You are young. Be happy. (Ecclesiastes 11:9a “You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth”).

2. Try new things. Explore your interests, and pursue your dreams. Take it all in. (Ecclesiastes 11:9b “Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see”).

3. Be conscious that your choices have consequences. You won’t be young forever. (Ecclesiastes 11:9c but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment”).

4. Find God. The way is His Son, Jesus Christ. In Him is purpose and life’s true meaning. (Ecclesiastes 12: 1 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of adversity come and the years approach of which you will say, “I find no pleasure in them”).