I am fighting for my life
this is my act of defiance
I was on Instagram a few days ago when I saw the story post of a friend of mine. He is 2-3 years younger than me, and he posted about how he’s feeling a lot of pressure to have figured out his life. I I shook my head and thought, “You’re 21, why are you even thinking of pressure?” And yet, at 24, I know there are people who would say the same to me.
My conversations with myself and others have recently started to contain traces of reminders. Reminders that I am young and I (hopefully) have most of my life ahead of me. Reminders that I get one shot to enjoy the life I have been given. These reminders have been shifting my perspective. In the past two months of 2025, I’ve been earning less but doing more with my time. I think I am living my best life.
What is chasing me? Are my dreams so unreachable that I have to sacrifice my soul to attain them?
I am honest with myself. This is one thing you cannot fault me for. I know what feeds me and makes my life feel not shitty. When weeks pass by that I feel depressed and like I got the shorter end of the stick with my life, I am usually aware of why I feel down. Writing, reading, soaking in music, learning history or a new language — making art out of my life — these are the things that oil the tick tock of my life’s clock. And I’m not saying this because it’s cute to be artsy. Without them, I feel emptied out, sad all the time, enveloped in a dreary darkness. It might not be the same for you, but I’m sure you have what feeds your soul too.
In a world where capitalism and its boardroom members are forcing us towards more work, more money, more bills, more things; my act of defiance is fighting for what enriches my life. Yes, I consider it a blessing that I have a career I actually enjoy. I love the life it affords me, it feels good to be able to pay my bills and purchase things. I’m ambitious and I want more of these material things; but I want all these things and still live a life that feels like mine. Do you feel me?
What brings on the pressure?
One in every 3 GenZ feels the pressure to make it, with a majority being categorised as feeling “internally pressured”. I think that internal pressure can also be attributed to external pressure. I once had someone tell me that “nothing is better until it is compared”. That statement caused a cascade of thoughts and I spent an hour discussing this with him. It hit me like a bolt of lightning—if nothing is better until it’s compared, then nothing is worse until it is too. Nothing is faster, bigger, slimmer, more beautiful, until it is compared. I am simply me.. until I compare. I had a brain-garsm.
It sounds cliche when you hear “the only person I compete with is my potential” but it is what I aspire to. A life that I have immersed in the manifold colours that embody me. A life that is free of the pressure gushing down from a culture of consumerism, capitalism and all the other isms. I desire a life that is bright and beautiful in my eyes. I want my life to be my own, to have my fingerprints all over it from the multiple caresses I give it.
A life that belongs to Olasubomi.
So, these days, I am in an understated tussle. I am fighting against anchoring all my decisions on profitability. I don’t want to be defined by how much I am able to rake in every day. I want to experience a life that does not require validation from strangers. In whatever shape, manner or form, I will do the things that nourish my soul. This is the life I am building, and I will fight—everyone, including myself—to protect it.
Hmmm, this was such a nice read. Can we really get rid of pressure? I know it's bad but that's what really files my ambition. The pressure to make something of myself. I'm trying my hardest to u learn it cause those pressure make me anxious. I guess the first step is to realise it which I now do thanks to you.
Reading this, I think you are on the way to a meaningful and satisfying life. We must never stop questioning, and always move on to the next thing.